friends

The obstacles in the way of your goal that you were not expecting

obstacles in the way of your goal

The obstacles in the way of your goal that you were not expecting

Life is strange. When you set off to achieve a goal, there are obstacles in the way of your goal that you expect. Enemies, jealous rivals, blunders, learning curves, and budget problems to name a few. These are the obstacles we expect.

But then there are obstacles we did not expect. These are the ones that really sweep us off track and leave us winded. They come from the least likely sources, and as a result the impact is much harder. So what are these obstacles in the way of your goal?

1. Your Family

When we think about obstacles, we don’t think about family. Yet in most true stories, there is almost always an obstacle from the family.

Here is an example: Ahmad has an amazing idea for a new business. He shares his idea with his family and expects their full support. To his surprise, the entire family shoots the idea down as too risky, and discourages him from chasing it.

Feeling dejected, Ahmed gives up and doesn’t bother even trying to chase his idea.

What just happened? (Or understanding their perspective)

Your family’s duty is to protect you. Often they view your ideas only through that perspective. Their protective instincts kick in because they love you. They don’t want you to get hurt. So they feel its better to discourage you from grand ideas that could hurt you, even if it also has the potential to be great for you.

They love you. They want to protect you. That is why they do what they do.

So what should I do? (Or the solution)

Every great business idea/goal/new venture is risky. That’s part of life. We can’t achieve new goals without some level of risk. However, we should not expect family support when taking a risk. The risk is our own. We need to own it, and face it alone.

If you have support from someone, then that is a blessing. If not, you need to go at it alone and be responsible.

One way to keep their hearts at ease is to have a backup plan. A job on the side, some savings, another source of income, a means of recovery. You will need these anyway. But showing your family that you have these is a great way to put their hearts at ease while you take the risks needed to pursue your grand ideas.

2. Your Friends

Depending on the kind of friends you hang out with. Telling your friends about your ideas could go one of two ways: support and sincere advice or full-on jealousy!

When I first started chasing higher goals, I found myself having to shift my friend circle completely. My friends were people without ambitions or goals, they wanted to stay that way. They felt threatened if anybody disturbed that natural order. So they would discourage me from chasing any goals that would move me higher in life.

So what did you do? (or the solution)

I got  a new friend circle. I stopped hanging out too much with people who put down my ideas, tell me I can’t achieve them or that I’m wasting time. Instead, I started hanging out with people who achieve great things themselves, and encourage me to do the same.

If you are facing a similar problem, you may want to consider changing the type of people you hang out with.

3. Yourself

The biggest obstacle any person faces when chasing a scary risky strange new goal is…himself!

Your brain will try to put you off your goal in so many ways. Your mind would flood with thoughts like the following:

“I’m not good enough!”

“Nobody would read anything I write!”

“I have no experience in this area.”

“I should just stick with what I know!”

If any of these thoughts are familiar, then relax. I deal with them myself all the time.

Why, brain, why?

These are natural thoughts as, just like our families, our brains are designed to protect us from harm. Your brain is just acting like an internal family member trying to put you off the scary task, so you don’t get hurt.

Your brain is not your enemy. It simply needs reprogramming. You need to train your brain to think positively. And you need to assure yourself that it will be fine.

You need to tell it: “There isn’t a lion chasing you, its just a deadline. No need to panic, just work hard and we got this, brain!”

Embracing Obstacles

There are many more obstacles in the way of your goal. This is the part of the game-changer. If you want to make a difference in the world. You need to embrace obstacles and use them as a platform for growth. Grow in your relationships. Grow in your thinking. And grow in your planning.

Obstacles are always going to be there. It is only those who push past them that achieve the most amazing goals. Face your obstacles, push through them and embrace the challenge. That is the only way forward!

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Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Goal Setting, 2 comments

7 Types of friends to avoid

7 Types Of Friends To Avoid7 Types of friends to avoid

Friends! We all need them but sometimes we end up with the wrong ones that just mess thing up! These are the friends who lead us down dark paths, get in our way or simply hold us back from being the best we can be. Here are 7 Types of friends to avoid:

1. The Caller To Sin

That friend who keeps asking you to just ‘give it a try’. The friend who wants you to have the same sinful habits he has. Let him go before he drags you down!

Its true that no friend is perfect or sinless, and neither are you. But there is a difference between a friend who struggles against personal weaknesses, and a friend who wants you to walk down the path of darkness with him.

Help the former, avoid the latter!

2. The Snob

He is always boasting about what he has, how much he earns, where he travels to, or what a good person he is. Snobs can affect you in two ways: they can either make you just like them or they can make you immune to arrogance.

Arrogance is major sin, and a cause of a lot of the world’s problems. In order to fight it within ourselves we need to surround ourselves with humble people. There is simply no place for snobby bratty friends in the life of someone who is trying to live a better life.

3. The Evil Eye Giver

Do you feel afraid to share good news with your friend? Does he get jealous easily?

You may want to avoid a friend who is always getting jealous of you. True friends want you to succeed, just like you want them to succeed.

Avoid jealousy and jealous people, surround yourself with people who want whats best for you. (You’ll also save yourself from a lot of evil eye like this too!)

4. The One With A Loose Tongue

Gossip, tale-carrying, slander, hoax Whats App messages about your death!

Yeah, that friend! We all know one.

Newsflash: If he gossips to you, he probably gossips about you too!

Remember that gossip is a two way sin: both the speaker and passive listener are sinful. Because gossip cannot take place without an audience.

Avoid gossipers. Befriend people who talk about ideas, not people!

5. The Overgrown Child

He is thirty years old and doesn’t know how to pay a bill yet. And he can’t hold down a job. He still needs his mummy to take care of him. Simply put, he just won’t grow up!

NOTE: Sisters, don’t marry this guy either!

Childish friends are intimidated by mature people. So they either try to bring you down to their level or they sabotage your plans.

If you want to move forward in life, befriend mature people, not big babies.

6. The Super Lazy One

Laziness is contagious! That’s all you need to know.

Make friends with doers, not loafers.

7. The Dream Crusher

As you are a regular reader of Islamic Self Help, I gather that you have dreams and goals. I’m sure you have high aspirations and are making great plans to achieve them. After all, that is what Islamic Self Help is all about.

Well then, you do NOT want friends that get in the way of that!

Avoid dream crushers like a plague! They will put down your ideas, tell you its impossible, and maybe even insult you for dreaming about it!

You need to be friends with people who are optimistic, goal orientated and supportive. Because you WILL need their support to achieve your goals.

Cutting Ties?

I’m not asking you to cut ties with your fellow Muslim and abandon them. Remain acquaintances, and maintain a friendly distance. Just don’t allow such people to become the kind of friend that influences you. Surround yourself with good influences, not bad company.

I’ll conclude with a Hadith:

“Every man follows the religion of his closest friend. So beware whom you take as a close friend.” (Abu Dawud 4833)

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Positive Thinking, 4 comments