September Discount Offer: Homeschooling Course

September Discount Offer: Homeschooling Course

YOUR CHANCE TO HOMESCHOOL LIKE A PRO

COVID-19 has caused a lot of problems. For parents and children, it has made schooling rather difficult. As a response, thousands of parents around the world are exploring the idea of homeschooling. Homeschooling is a viable solution to the problems of our time.

To assist parents in their homeschooling journey, Islamic Self Help is offering their $250 How to Homeschool like a Pro course for only $25 for September only. We hope that this course will help parents make the transition to homeschooling smoothly and ensure the best results for their children.

To access the course at this discounted price, or learn more about the course, click here: https://courses.islamicselfhelp.com/p/homeschooling/?product_id=250012&coupon_code=2020

This course includes:

  • 6+ hours of video content
  • 1 free ebook: Homeschooling 101
  • 1 free online course: Time Management

In this course you will learn:

  • 10 really powerful reasons to homeschool (#8 will surprise you)
  • 6 unique methods of homeschooling
  • How to teach Islam and Arabic, and Islamize other subjects
  • Time Management for Homeschooling Parents
  • The answers to 15 FAQs about homeschooling
  • How to set up your homeschool and run it effectively
  • Dealing with difficult children effectively and affectionately
  • How to instill love of learning in children
  • How to explain your decision to homeschool to others
  • Methods to help you avoid burnout and stay motivated
  • Out of the box ideas for homeschooling
  • How to educate different learning types

To access the course at this discounted price, or learn more about the course, click here: https://courses.islamicselfhelp.com/p/homeschooling/?product_id=250012&coupon_code=2020

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Homeschooling, 0 comments
Good Deeds That Erase Sins

Good Deeds That Erase Sins

This article is an extract from the Book of Hope, available at the links below the article.

Part of Allah’s Infinite Mercy is that He legislated many good deeds that wipe away our minor sins. The beauty of this is that even people who don’t actively seek forgiveness may still have their minor sins forgiven if they commit to these good deeds.

These specific deeds are mentioned in the hadiths below and include the following:

1. Establishing the five daily prayers

Jabir Ibn Abdullah (radiallahu anhu) reported that the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alahi wasalam) said, “The similitude of five prayers is like an overflowing river passing by the gate of one of you in which he washes five times daily.” Hasan said, “No filthiness can remain on him.”

Sahih Muslim

2. Prostrating to Allah in the salah:

Ubadah ibn al-Samit (radiallahu anhu) narrated: The Prophet (salallahu alahi wasalam) said, “No servant prostrates for the sake of Allah except that Allah will record for him one good deed, erase one sin, and raise his status by one degree. So, perform many prostrations.”

Ibn Majah

3. Performing ablution and praying two rakat with khushu:

Uthman (radiallahu anhu) narrated: The Prophet (salallahu alahi wasalam) said, “He who performed ablution like this ablution of mine and offered two bowings of prayer without allowing his thoughts to be distracted, then his previous sins will be forgiven.”

Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim

4. An accepted umrah or hajj:

Abu Huraira (radiallahu anhu) narrated: The Prophet (salallahu alahi wasalam) said, “The umrah pilgrimage to the following umrah will expiate whatever sins were committed between them, and the accepted hajj pilgrimage has no reward other than Paradise.”

Sahih al-Bukhari

5. Converting to Islam, emigrating for the sake of Allah, or an accepted hajj:

‘Amr ibn al-‘As (radiallahu anhu) narrated: The Prophet (salallahu alahi wasalam) said, “Do you not know that embracing Islam wipes away all sins committed before it, that emigration wipes away what came before it, and the hajj pilgrimage wipes away what came before it?”

Sahih Muslim

6. Fasting the days and praying during the nights of Ramadan for the sake of Allah:

Abdur Rahman ibn Awf (radiallahu anhu) narrated: The Prophet (salallahu alahi wasalam) said, “Verily, Ramadan is a month in which Allah Almighty has obligated its fasting. And verily, I have instituted for Muslims the (recommended) practice of its prayer at night. Thus, whoever fasts it with faith and expecting reward will be rid of sins like the day he was born from his mother.”

Musnad Ahmad

Conclusion

There are many other good deeds that also wipe away our sins. This is just a glimpse of how merciful Allah is to us and how many opportunities He gives us to be free from our sins.

If Allah wanted, He could have made forgiveness dependent only upon repentance. Instead He created so many ways for us to be forgiven that it would be our fault alone if we missed every one of these paths to forgiveness.

It may be impossible to avoid committing sins for the rest of our life, but it is possible to do so many good deeds that Allah may forgive all our minor sins on account of our good deeds.

In order to earn this forgiveness, we must commit to these good deeds. Begin with praying five times a day. Establishing the five daily prayers is the most important good deed in the life of the believer.

Prayer is the second pillar of Islam, the first thing we will be asked about on the Last Day, and a means through which all minor sins can be forgiven.

The Prophet (salallahu alahi wasalam) compared it to bathing in a river five times a day. Just as bathing five times a day would wash away all physical dirt, praying five times a day washes away all sins.

So let us start with this. Let’s commit to praying five times a day for the sake of Allah. And let us make this a priority and habit in our lives. This one habit alone could save us on the Last Day and be the means through which our sins are forgiven.

To continue reading about this topic, access the full book at one of the links below.

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Reflections on Surah al-Wāqiʿah

Reflections on Surah al-Wāqiʿah

Surah al-Wāqiʿah is one of my favorite Surahs in the Quran. It is a beautiful poetic description of the Last Day and the final destinations of the various groups of humanity. This Surah is full of amazing lessons in theology and spirituality. I try to recite this Surah at least once a week and reflect on its meanings. I am always fascinated at how the Surah balances between creating a fear of Hellfire in our hearts while increasing our optimism that we can enter Paradise.

Background Information

Surah al-Wāqiʿah is a Makkan Surah, and this is clear from both its style and content. Its verses are short, powerful, and poetic. These are all indicative of the Makkan revelation. The content is purely focused on aspects of theology, namely the Last Day and the Afterlife. This is usually the theme of a Makkan Surah.

There are several narrations regarding the virtues of Surah al-Wāqiʿah. However, each of these narrations is of disputed authenticity, so scholars differ over its virtues. Nonetheless, it remains a powerful Surah that should be recited and reflected on often, regardless of whether we consider these narrations authentic or weak. The first narration is that the Prophet (peace be upon him) listed five Surahs that turned his hair gray, and included Surah al-Wāqiʿah in that list. (Ash-Shama’il Al-Muhammadiyah 41) The second narration is as follows.

“Whoever recites Surah al-Wāqiʿah every night, poverty will never affect him.”

Al-Tahrīr and al-Tanwīr, vol. 11, p. 279

Both of these narrations have disputed authenticity. Even among my own teachers, some regard them as weak while others regard them as authentic. I am inclined towards the opinion that they are Hasan, and Allah knows best.

A summary of its themes

Surah al-Wāqiʿah covers six core themes, all related to each other, in the following order:

  1. A description of the end of the world and commencement of the Last Day
  2. A description of the two types of people that will enter Paradise and the rewards that await them in Paradise
  3. A description of the punishment of Hellfire and what awaits the disbelievers in Hell.
  4. An explanation of the Power of Allah through various examples.
  5. An explanation of the status of the Quran.
  6. A description of death and how the soul leaves the body. (Al-Tahrīr and al-Tanwīr, vol. 11, p. 280)

The central theme of this Surah is theology, with a strong focus on eschatology. All six of these topics are fundamental aspects of Islamic theology, while four out of six are eschatological topics. Almost every core belief of Islam is described in detail in this Surah, making it a fundamental Surah for every believer to study and reflect on.

The Ones Who are Close to Allah

Surah al-Wāqiʿah, like Surah al-Rahmān, divides people into three groups; those who are close to God, the people of the right hand, and the people of the left hand. Two of these groups eventually enter Paradise, while the third is destined for eternal damnation. This division gives us hope of entering Paradise while making us wary of the paths to Hell.

The people of Paradise are divided into two types because not all believers are the same in their levels of piety. Yet Allah’s Infinite Mercy encompasses all believers, so even the biggest of sinners eventually enter Paradise, as long they truly believed. The divisions listed in this Surah are the close ones and the people of the right hand.

The close ones refer to the prophets, righteous, martyrs, and truthful people. (Al-Tahrīr and al-Tanwīr, vol. 11, p. 290) It includes the pious of the previous nations i.e. the true followers of Jesus, Moses, and all previous prophets, as well as the pious of this nation. In this Surah, the righteous are described as, “many from the previous generations, but a few from later generations.” (Quran 56:14) One interpretation of this is that as we get closer to the end of time, there will be less pious people on earth.

The fact that the pious will be fewer in the end times should give us something to think about. Are we trying to be among those few? It is true that it is a lot more difficult to be righteous today than it was during the time of the early Muslims, but the rewards are also proportional to the level of difficulty. These verses should inspire us to try our best to make it into those few of the later generations.

Many of the Later Generations

The good news that follows in the next set of verses is that the people of the right hand will be “Many of the early generations and many of the later generations.’ (Quran 56:39-40) The people of the right hand refer to those people who receive their book of deeds in their right hands on the Last Day. This means that their good deeds outweigh their sins by enough to get them into Paradise.

This is a level below the righteous. The righteous most likely will not have any reckoning on the Last Day at all, and will likely enter Paradise without accounting. The average believer, however, will have their good deeds and sins weighed. Whichever is heavier will decide whether they go directly to Paradise or require purification through Hellfire first.

This Surah does not discuss the fate of believers who receive their book of deeds in their left hand. The people of the left hand mentioned in this Surah are the disbelievers. Due to it being a Makkan Surah, the focus is primarily on the different destinations of those who believe in this message and those who reject it.

The fact that the people of the right hand are described as many of the later generations should fill our hearts with hope. It means that many Muslims will enter Paradise without going to Hellfire first, despite their sins. This gives hope to the average Muslim, as we commit sins every single day. Knowing that if we keep trying to be righteous, working on our good deeds, and repenting for our sins, then maybe we too could be among the people of the right hand.

The Reality of Death

Death is a reality that we too often choose to ignore. Death is scary, permanent, and a transition into the unknown. When we die, our souls leave this universe and move into the Barzakh, the dimension of souls. Thinking about this can be a very sobering experience.

In Islam, reflecting over death is a necessary part of spiritual development. We are advised to frequently remember death and to prepare for it. Our wills should always be updated, our family prepared, and our deeds in order. This world is just a temporary resting place for our souls on its journey to the Afterlife. Knowing this, the believer lives a life of purpose, focused on making it into Paradise, and to perhaps one day become one of the ‘close ones’.

When it (the soul) reaches the throat, while you are present and watching. But we are closer to him than you, even though you cannot perceive that. If you believe that you will not be taken into account, then return it (the soul to the body) if you are truthful.

Quran 56:83-87

To learn more tafsīr of the Quran, check out my book Themes of the Quran, available at the links below.

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Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Inner Peace, 0 comments
Reflections on Islamization

Reflections on Islamization

Islam seems to mean something very different to people today compared to a thousand years ago. Over the past two centuries, Islam in the minds of many Muslims has become nothing more than a cultural religion; a series of do’s and do not’s. The religion for these people is nothing more than their sect and its interpretation; a strict unforgiving set of rules and beliefs, any deviation from which is pure evil and blasphemy.

This sectarian attitude has spilled over into every other facet of our lives, and in an attempt to Islamize life, too often we over-complicate it. The desire for everything we deal with to be Islamic has caused us to think too narrowly and in doing so, to make narrow that which Allah has left unrestricted and open to diversity. The result of all of this is a strict black-and-white worldview in which everything is categorized as Islamic on unIslamic.

Muslims these days fight with each other over whose organization, product, or website is more Islamic than the other. Each trying to prove the other is somehow deviant, misguided, or evil. Even though, in many of these cases, both sides are doing things that are simply permissible. The need to label everything as Islamic, and for everything that is labeled Islamic to be perfect, has caused a lot of animosity and division on issues that are not really important at all.

This seems to be a new phenomenon, a product of our times. We are obsessed with labels of Halal and Islamic, even when they are not needed. Do those socks really need a Halal label? Does that holiday to Spain really need to be packaged as an Islamic Holiday? These are just some questions we need to ask ourselves before we stick a label before something. Is that label even necessary to being with?

Early Muslim Paradigms

Any study of Muslim History will reveal that this divide between Islamic and unIslamic is almost non-existent in the minds and lives of early Muslims. it is true that Muslims advanced Algebra, but they never tried to create an Islamic Algebra or an Islamic Math. Math was Math and Muslims just used it for religious reasons when necessary, eg: when calculating Zakah and Inheritance.

The early Muslims made tons of contributions to medicine and science, but they never looked at these as Islamic Medicine or Islamic Science. Medicine was a shared field between people of all religions and Muslims contributed to it because of Islam’s overall emphasis on health and hygiene. They did not see the need to categorize it as Islamic or the necessity to justify it by linking it to specific verses of the Quran. It was simply permissible and a recommend field that many Muslims pursued.

The early Muslim empire did not have a division between school and Islamic School. There was simply the Madrassa, a place where people learned Math, Language, Science, Fiqh, Hadith, and other subjects without needing to label any subject as Islamic. Their worldview was a simpler one; Islam is our way of life and it allows us to pursue anything that is not explicitly prohibited or harmful to society. With this worldview, the Muslim world flourished and grew into a magnificent civilization.

They viewed the world more from the paradigm of “Everything is permissible until proven otherwise”. Because of this paradigm, they did not feel the need to Islamize everything they did. As long as it was permissible that was good enough. Not everything in life is going to be Islamic and religious, a lot of life is simple permissible and optional.

Do we need Islamization?

Why then today do we have Islamic Schools, Islamic Banking, Islamic Travel, and (yes, ironically) Islamic Self Help? Are these labels even necessary? Can’t we simply have good schools, banks and travel options that are permissible and exceptional without attaching the label Islamic to it?

I believe the label Islamic is really a product of our times, and many of these ideas develop from Muslims living as minorities in Non-Muslim lands. To differentiate ourselves from others, we needed a label. Our schools did not support the secular liberal beliefs of others, so they are essentially Islamic. Our banks are not supposed to engage in interest-based transaction, so we called them Islamic. (Although technically, they are just Halal, not Islamic.)

Likewise, when I started Islamic Self Help, it was with the same ideas in mind. Many ideas in the self help industry stem from materialism, capitalism and new age theories that contradict Islam. To promote a healthy version of self help literature that agrees with the teachings of Islam, I started Islamic Self Help.

However, this label isn’t always needed. This same work can be done without the label Islamic, and sometimes that may be better. In the case of banking, calling our banking system ethical or humane could help it become more mainstream, as it is simply ethical halal banking, and not Islamic in itself.

Even with our school system, too often we try so hard to be Islamic that we force our teachers to find ways to relate every single math, English, and science lesson to Islam, even when there isn’t any need or link. The result feels forced and unnatural. Why not just teach these subjects as they are, and only bring Islam into it when it is natural and necessary? Not every Math class needs to include a discussion on how al-Khawarizmi invented Algebra. Sometimes, you just need to teach Algebra!

Conclusion

Sticking the label Islamic in front of everything we do isn’t how early Muslims interacted with the world. It is a product of our time, living in Non-Muslim lands, and feeling a need to differentiate ourselves. Sometimes it has its value, sometimes we go overboard with this label. Not everything we do needs to be labeled as Islamic, as the majority of things on earth are permissible anyway.

As we grow as a community, we should consider using this label sparingly and only when necessary. Some things need to be called Islamic to differentiate from opposing ideas. A good example of this Islamic Psychology which has a very different paradigm from Secular Psychology. But not everything needs the label. We can have a good business, without the need for calling it “Islamic or Halal (Insert item here)”. We can contribute to the world without naming our organization “Islamic Muslim’s (Insert synonym for organization here”. And we can excel in both worlds without having to label everything we do as Islamic.

Check out our hit book Productivity Principles of Umar II, by choosing one of the links below.

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Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Islam, 0 comments
Tips on finding amazing friends

Tips on finding amazing friends

This article is extracted from my bestselling book on self-confidence, Best of Creation, available as part of the self-help bundle here, or individually here.

The Friend Factor

When it comes to self-confidence, company is critical. In many ways, our confidence is either built or destroyed by those who influence us. This begins at a young age with parents, older siblings, then in the schooling years, teachers and classmates play a role too. As we enter our teenage years and eventually adulthood, it becomes our friends, work colleagues and spouses who have the biggest impact on our confidence.

If you reflect back at your life, you will remember many incidents that had a major impact on your confidence. Whether it was confidence killers like a teacher teasing you, bullies beating you up or a parent calling you a stupid child, or confidence boosters like a supportive mother, an encouraging teacher who believed in you or an older sibling who was always there for you. There is no doubt that the company we keep is critical to our self-confidence.

While we have no control over our past and what the people in our past did to our self-confidence, we do have control over the present. We may not control who our parents are, who our siblings are or which school we went to but as adults we do control who we associate with, who our close friends are and who we marry. Your choice in this area is critical to your self-esteem

Good company is something highly recommended in the Qur’an and Hadith. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) warned us, “Every person follows the religion of his closest friend, so be very careful whom you take as a close friend,”[1]

Perhaps one of the best Hadiths on the topic of friendship is the following one in which the Prophet (peace be upon him) uses a very powerful metaphor:

A good friend and a bad friend are like a perfume-seller and a blacksmith: The perfume-seller might give you some perfume as a gift, or you might buy some from him, or at least you might smell its fragrance. As for the blacksmith, he might singe your clothes, and at the very least you will breathe in the fumes of the furnace.[2]

Comparing a good friend to a perfume-seller gives us a glimpse of how powerful good company can be. From among the benefits of righteous company are the following:

  1. They inspire you to be a better Muslim
  2. They remind you when you slip or stray
  3. They support you in all the good you do
  4. They motivate you, encourage and treat you with respect
  5. They want to see you succeed
  6. They serve as role models for you in their actions and lifestyles

Just like a perfume shop, a good companion has very subtle effects on you, and can improve you in very subtle ways. In terms of self-confidence, good friends are motivating and have a positive attitude to life that keeps you going and makes you feel better about yourself.

If you have such friends, treasure them. If not, I recommend finding such friends as they will play a major role in boosting your self-confidence.

Just as good company is important for self-confidence, bad company is terrible for it. Just like a blacksmith will get your clothes dirty even with minimum interaction, a bad friend can poison your heart in subtle ways.

Bad company are usually the type of friends who put you down and call you names if you don’t fall in line and do what they want. They can be vulgar, abusive and harsh. They do not allow you to be yourself, and they laugh at your goals and dreams. They have low self-confidence and feel threatened by anyone who doesn’t follow them, so they work to bring you down to their level through bullying.

Pessimistic and cynical people are bad company for someone striving to increase self-confidence. They view the world negatively and can only see the flaws in your goals and plans. They will drag you down to their level of negativity. It is better to keep a friendly distance from such people, and not allow them to mess with your head. 

Bad company can suck the joy out of life, kill any confidence you have and hold you back from chasing your goals. Worst of all, bad company forces you to live a lie, you put on a mask and pretend to be someone you are not, just to fit in and avoid criticism. As a result many people live their entire lives pretending to be something they are not, and there is no happiness in that.

Islam teaches us that having good company is a must, and having bad company is prohibited as it is a primary means of going astray. This does not mean that we are harsh towards any people whom we perceive as bad company. Rather, Islam teaches us to be friendly and influential with everybody. However, we have to be very careful who we allow to influence us. These are our close friends, our inner circle and they need to be people of righteousness.

Dealing with Bad Company

For most people who want to make a positive change in their lives, there comes a time when you need to let go of bad company and it often isn’t a smooth transition. This applies to people trying to improve their self-confidence as well.

If you are hanging around friends who constantly put you down, pick on you and hold you back, you will not be able to excel or grow into a confident person. Letting them go is essential to success.

Bad company includes any friendship based on sin or held together by the bonds of sin, friendships based on ulterior motives (eg: someone is your friend to exploit your wealth) and friends that are determined to hold you back from success. You need to let them go and replace them with better company, but this isn’t easy.

The first thing you need to do is honestly introspect the quality of your friends. Make a list of qualities you need in good company and evaluate if your friends have these qualities. It is not surprising to find many people who realize that their friends have the opposite of the qualities they need.

Once you identify which side of the fence your friends are on, you next need to remove from your close circle those who you have identified as bad company. But cutting ties shouldn’t be the first step in this process. The first step is to advice and offer assistance to your friends to help them improve. Perhaps even give them a copy of a book like this. Do whatever you can in a friendly manner to help them improve. Remember that if you are influencing them positively then they are in good company but if they are influencing you negatively then you are in bad company, so stay influential.

If you find yourself unsuccessful in influencing them positively, do not despair. It is very common for such situations to occur and you are not alone. The next phase would be to maintain a friendly distance. A friendly distance works with family members who are bad company too, since it is not permissible to cut ties with family. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that Allah said about family ties, “I shall keep connection with him who maintains you and sever connection with him who severs you”[3]

A friendly distance means that you are friendly to the individual, and maintain a limited friendship like meeting up for short amounts of time in a good environment, but at the same time you maintain a distance by not letting that person take up too much of your time or influence you negatively.

For example, if you have an aunt who always criticizes you and makes you feel bad whenever you meet her, you cannot cut ties with her and you have been unable to influence her, so what do you do? You continue to treat her well while maintaining a distance, meeting her only when necessary and only interact as much as needed, not giving her any time to lash out at you with her tongue. In this way, you fulfil the obligation of family ties without allowing her to influence you negatively.

Unfortunately, it isn’t possible to maintain a friendly distance with everybody. There are some people who will become hostile and aggressive to you if you start practicing Islam or attempt at any positive change. Such people are obstacles that need to be overcome, and sometimes we have no choice but to cut such people out of our lives completely.

An example of this is Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him). He lived in a city full of disbelievers, and his own father was an idol maker. He tried his best to convince them to give up idol worship, but they grew aggressive and hostile. The hostility reached such a high level that they imprisoned him and threw him into a fire, but Allah miraculously saved him by causing the fire to become cool for him. Eventually, he left the city with his few followers and searched for a better environment.

The final bit of advice in dealing with bad company is to remember to be assertive. The very nature of bad company is one of bullying. A bully only has power over someone who lacks confidence and is unable to stand up for himself. Do not give them this kind of power over yourself. Be like the people of the cave and Prophet Ibrahim. Stand firm on the truth regardless of what they say.

Standing up to bullies and leaving bad company is in itself empowering. You feel a sense of self confidence that you are no longer judged by their standards and can finally be yourself without being fake. Use this feeling of confidence to help you take the next important step, finding good company.

How to Find Good Friends

“It is so hard to find good friends these days,” I heard this statement many times from young people desperate for good company. Yet, reality is that if so many young people are looking for good company, shouldn’t they find each other and befriend each other.

Many of us cling to some of our cultural standards in choosing friends. We claim to be looking for righteous friends, yet we still focus only on finding righteous friends who are from our tribes, race, country or friends who are good looking, wealthy or famous and we ignore the rest. You need to let go of this attitude if you want to make genuinely good friends.

The Quraysh of Makkah would criticize Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) for being friends with the poor and weak like Bilal and Ammar Ibn Yassir. It was because of such criticism that some scholars say Allah revealed the following verse:

Remain constantly in the company of those who call on their Lord day and night, seeking His Face (Pleasure), and do not turn your eyes away from them to chase after the beauty of the worldly life. And do not obey the one whose heart has become heedless to My Remembrance, who followed his desires and whose deeds have been wasted.[4]

In order to find good company, we need to first change our standards of who is good company. Good company are the righteous people who motivate you to be the best you can be, and avoid negative speech and deeds. They can be found across all backgrounds and cultures, and will be loyal to you even in the most difficult of times.

It is important to look in the right places. You are not going to find righteous company hanging around street corners or at the local clubs. You will find them frequenting the local Masjids and Islamic Centres, attending Islamic events, and volunteering for humanitarian work.

If you want to make good friends, you need to step outside your comfort zone and volunteer to assist at the local Masjid, Centre, Islamic event or project. It is almost guaranteed that you will meet amazing people at such places and a new friendship will be sparked. It will be a genuine friendship based on pleasing Allah and helping each other succeed in life. Who knows, you might even meet your future spouse at such an event!

When looking for good company, you need to be picky. The kind of people you hang out with, invite to your home and allow to influence you must be beacons of light in your world. It is one area of life in which we have to be extra careful in our choices. This goes double for when choosing a spouse.

Cultivating Friendships

“Surround yourself with great people and value them. Tell them, show them and do it often. Valuing is pushing them to do their best.”[5]

It is not enough to make good friends, as friendship is something that needs to be cultivated. Any successful relationship is based on mutual respect and benefit. Nobody likes to feel used, neglected or like dead weight. It is important that we invest in our friendships and family relationships so that they can blossom into something special.

One way in which we can do that is to help them overcome their problems and achieve their goals. Be supportive of your family and friends in all noble pursuits, encourage them and motivate them to be their best. In return, you will receive the same from them, and if not from them directly then Allah will send others into your life to motivate and support you, because Allah does not leave any good deed unrewarded.

Friendships should never be ego-driven, in which all the focus is on yourself at the expense of others. Such a friendship is bound to implode and cannot lead to anything positive. You need to give as much, if not more, than you receive.

Make quality time for your family and friends. You don’t need to spend a lot of time with them but you need to make sure it is quality time. Quality time means that you give that person undivided attention for a few minutes and make them feel special. A few minutes of quality time is far more memorable and beneficial than hours of time spent with someone while mentally elsewhere.

When your family or friends speak to you, give them your full attention. Put your phone or tablet away, look them in the eyes and pay attention to their words. Attentive listening is a skill that everybody must learn. It benefits your family life, friendships and work life. By listening attentively, we respect the other person, understand better and avoid miscommunication. This is especially important for men since it is so easy for us to lose concentration and become deaf to the conversation. If you a married man, active listening is one of the best skills you can learn to win your wife’s heart over.

Good friends advise each other sincerely, yet gently. Adopt an open-to-correction style relationship with family and friends. Make it clear that you will correct them when they stray, and they should correct you too when you stray.

Do not take their corrections personally, and they too will follow your lead and won’t take your corrections personally. This level of openness is crucial in a real friendship and separates the genuine friendships from the fake. True friends are not afraid to let each other know the truth, even when it is bitter, but they know how to present it gently.

Be there for your friends in difficult times, and Allah will be there for you in difficult times and send you support from where you never expected. Do not expect from anyone except Allah. Be the best friend you can be, but expect Allah to reward you for it, not your friends. Inshaa Allah, if you have good friends, they will return the favour.

Motivate your friends to be the best they can be. Be a source of positivity and optimism wherever you go. Do not speak negatively or put people down. Motivate them, encourage them, help them pick themselves up after they fall. This is what we all need in friends. By doing this, you increase their self-confidence as well as your own.

Being a good friend is actually even better for your confidence than having good friends. Most of the time, if you are a good friend, you will receive goodness in return.

However, it is important to only expect from Allah because human beings are weak and tend to forget the good others do for them. If a friend doesn’t appreciate what you did for them, do not take it personally. Ask Allah to forgive them and seek your reward from Allah alone.

Good friends may be rare but they exist. Make dua to find them, search for them in the right places, be a good friend yourself, and Allah will send them into your life. Good company is a gift from Allah and one of the strongest sources of self-confidence. Good friends motivate us when we are down, encourage us to chase our dreams and help us see and overcome our flaws. Investing in good company is one of the best things you can do to improve your self-confidence.

To learn more about this topic, get the full ebook, Best of Creation, as part of the self-help bundle here, or individually here.


[1] Sunan Abu Dawud

[2] Bukhari and Muslim

[3] Saheeh Bukhari

[4] Surah Al-Kahf 18:28

[5] Mirza Yawar Baig, 20.10.2010-55, p. 23

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Self Confidence, 6 comments