Confidence

The Problem With Self-Confidence Theories

The Problem With Self-Confidence Theories

“You are the Captain of your own ship!”

This statement negates belief in Qadar (destiny). Reality is that even if we think we are the captains of our own ships, God still controls the weather and the waters.

“You can accomplish anything you want to, you just need to want it bad enough!”

Nope!

Again, there is the matter of Qadar, resources, human limitations, and a variety of other factors.

These two common quotes represent the problem with most self-confidence theories.

The Egocentric Problem

The Problem With Self-Confidence Theories

The first problem with Self-Confidence theories is that they focus too much on the Nafs (self). Which is were it gets its name.

Self-Confidence today is obsessed with the self, overestimating the self, thinking all good and victory is from the self, and your self being all you need.

This level of egocentricism is unislamic. It goes against two primary Muslim beliefs: Belief in God and Belief in Destiny.

Removing God and Destiny from the Equation

Secular theories tend to be devoid of spirituality. This is why Muslims must be very careful about adopting secular beliefs, even in the field of self-help.

The problem with self-confidence theories is one example of this.

By focusing on the self, the existence of God is ignored. One’s gifts are no longer gifts from God, but one’s own achievements. God is never thanked. God’s help is almost never sort. And victory isn’t attributed to God.

By distancing yourself from God, you may achieve worldly success, but at what spiritual cost? As Muslims, we cannot afford to hold any beliefs that distance us from our Creator.

A Muslim firmly believes that Allah created them and their abilities. Allah gave them their gifts to test them. It is Allah who controls their destiny and grants them victory. And Allah must be thanked whenever things go our way.

Belief in Destiny

Qadar (destiny) is one of the six pillars of faith. To disbelieve in it is Kufr, and to ignore it is problematic.

Muslims must strive to be their best, while remembering that Allah is in control.

Because success is from Allah. And trials and obstacles are tests from Allah.

In fact, lack of victory is the Wisdom of Allah and a means of training us. So our confidence must be rooted in our belief in Qadar.

The Islamic Solution

It is because of these clashes that I developed the Islamic Self-Confidence theory. This theory is expounded in my eBook, Best Of Creation: An Islamic Guide to Self-Confidence. I also cover it in details in “The Ultimate Islamic Self-Confidence Course“.

The theory is summary is as follows:

  1. Allah created us in the best of forms and has gifted each of us with different strengths.
  2. We must use these God-given gifts to make this world a better place and be our best.
  3. So we must trust God (Tawakul), and seek His Assistance (dua) when chasing our goals.
  4. We must chase our goals with full confidence in Our Creator and the abilities He has blessed us with.
  5. After making our best effort, we must accept our destiny (Qadar) for what it is, and then repeat these five steps.

This model will keep a believer confident and consistently moving forward, while remaining grounded in the Islamic belief system. I believe that this is the self-confidence model that Muslims should adopt and follow.

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Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Self Confidence, 3 comments

Incorrect Beliefs that are killing your confidence

Incorrect Beliefs that are killing your confidence

This is an extract from our bestselling eBook: Best of Creation: An Islamic Guide To Self-Confidence.

This was covered in the previous chapter (of Best Of Creation) to some extent, when we discussed the concept of arrogance and humility. That is an example of just one wrong belief that kills confidence. There are others too. For example, the belief that it is wrong to desire and try to obtain the good things of this world.

Is Wealth a bad thing?

Some Muslims look down upon the wealthy, and regard the pursuit of Halal wealth as evil. In this way, they limit their own potential and get in the way of their own success. If you look at the Sahaba, many of them were wealthy businessmen and this did not take away from their piety at all. Classic examples of this include Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthman and Abdur Rahman Ibn Auf who were all wealthy businessmen and among the ten greatest companions.

In fact, through their Halal wealth they were able to do more good deeds than others by engaging in charity and humanitarian efforts that those with less wealth couldn’t do. The prophet (peace be upon him) never condemned them or stopped them from doing business and getting richer. He just emphasized that the wealth should be Halal, spent on good things and should not consume the heart in a way that leads to the disobedience of Allah or the oppression of his creation.

A Hadith about Wealth

The following narration is evidence that the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions regarded Halal wealth as a good thing:

Abu Hurairah reported that the poor amongst the emigrants came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and said, “The wealthy have obtained the highest ranks and the lasting bliss,” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “How is that?” They said, “They pray as we pray, and they observe fast as we observe fast, and they give charity but we do not give charity, and they set slaves free but we do not set slaves free,”

Upon hearing this, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “Shall I not teach you something by which you will catch up with those who have preceded you, and get ahead of those who come after you, only those who do as you do will excel you?” They said, “Yes, Oh Messenger of Allah.” He said, “Praise Allah, declare His Greatness, and Praise Him thirty-three times after every prayer,”

Abu Salih said that the poor amongst the emigrants returned to the Messenger of Allah (peace upon him) saying, “Our brothers, the wealthy have heard what we have done and they did the same,” So the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “This is Allah’s blessing which He gives to whom He wishes.”[1]

In this narration, it is clear that the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions viewed wealth as a blessing from Allah that can be used for great deeds. And they competed in doing such deeds. In fact, the poorer companions envied the wealthy companions. Not for any negative reason, but because they wanted to do as much charity work as their wealthier brothers.

The blind leading the blind

Another incorrect belief that leads to low self-confidence is the belief in blind following of elders. Many Muslim communities teach young people that you can never be as good as, as intelligent as, or as knowledgeable as the early Muslims. Since you can never be like them, don’t even try! Just follow the local school of thought and conform. As a result, many young minds, who could have grown into Mujtahids[2] and great scholars, end up wasting their potential due to this self-defeating belief.

If you think about it, this belief is both illogical and baseless. There is nothing in the Quran or Sunnah that indicates that latter Muslims cannot rise up to the intellectual levels of early scholars, and psychologically it doesn’t make any sense either. So, on what grounds can we claim that people today who work hard enough cannot become great scholars? It is self-defeating beliefs like this that hold back the ummah from returning to its former glory.

Are you working to achieve your destiny?

Another incorrect belief that holds people back is a misunderstanding of Qadar (Destiny). A fatalistic approach to Qadar leads to the victim mentality. Many people assume they are just victims of a bad destiny and that their lives can never improve. As a result, they live each day complaining about all the problems in their lives. But never doing anything proactive to fix them.

Qadar is a complex theological issue and this is not the place for a detailed discussion. Suffice to say that the Islamic concept of Qadar does not negate free will or responsibility. It provides a context for understanding things beyond our control and helps us remain humble. But it is not meant to keep us down.

Islam teaches us to focus on solutions and finding a way out of our problems. If Allah puts us in a test, part of that test is rising above the problems and growing through it. And this cannot be done with a defeatist or fatalistic attitude.

Is the Afterlife all about Hellfire?

One more belief that needs to be discussed is an overemphasis on punishment and Hellfire. Some Muslim communities talk about sin in the most condemning of language and leave people with no hope of repentance. This leads to despair, low self-confidence and loss of any hope.

Islam teaches us to find a balance between fear and hope. Furthermore, both of these emotions should be based on love of Allah. Our love for Allah should lead to us hoping for His Mercy whenever we slip. Yet being fearful enough of displeasing Him to avoid living a sinful lifestyle. This fear is rooted in love. Just like a child fears displeasing its parents, a believer fears displeasing his Creator. Yet, just like a loving parent forgives the child for its mistakes, Allah is Most-Forgiving and accepts all repentance. As a result, there is no room for losing hope in His Mercy.

Conclusion

These are some of the most common causes of low self-confidence. Overcoming any of these requires changing some of our beliefs, habits and thinking patterns. This can be done with the right guidance. Inshaa Allah, this book will assist you in rising up to the challenge of life and overcoming any obstacles along the way.

[1] Saheeh Muslim 4:1239

[2] Mujtahid: A person who makes Ijtihad i.e. someone who has the skills, knowledge and intellectual capabilities to deduce rulings for contemporary Fiqh issues

This was extracted from Best of Creation. Purchase the full eBook today to continue learning more about how to gain self-confidence the Islamic Way.

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Dealing with Setbacks: A Different Perspective

Dealing With SetbacksDealing with Setbacks: A Different Perspective

There are many ways of dealing with setbacks. But as Muslims, we have a unique approach that gives us strength and optimism, even when facing the biggest challenges.

And We will surely test you with something of fear, hunger and a loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to the patient, those who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.”Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the rightly guided. (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:2:155-157)

It is not possible to live in this world and fulfill our goals without dealing with setbacks and obstacles along the way. This life is not perfect. And it is not possible to have everything we desire in it. Certain setbacks are unavoidable. We have no control over life and death, natural disasters, wars, crime or even the daily weather. This is something we have to learn to live with and accept as a part of life.

When you understand that the world is not perfect and that setbacks are inevitable, the next logical step is to prepare for any potential obstacles you will face in life. If you have a high goal, there is no doubt that you will face many obstacles on the way to achieving that goal. When we chase a worthy goal, we are first tested regarding how badly we want it before the opportunity to get it opens up.

A Different Perspective

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One way of dealing with setbacks is to restructure how you look at them. You can look at them as obstacles or as challenges. Challenges are meant to be tackled and overcome. They force us to grow, help us tap into our true potential and develop our strengths. Without challenges, we will never grow or gain the skills needed to accomplish our goals. As the English proverb goes, “Every dark cloud has a silver lining”.

Every difficulty that we face contains an opportunity, a chance to learn something new, to grow, to reach the next level of life. Stop looking at the obstacles and start looking through them at what you want to accomplish, and how overcoming this obstacle can help you accomplish it better.

Lessons From History

When Prophet Yusuf (peace be upon him) was thrown in a well by his brothers, it set off a chain of events including slavery, temptation and imprisonment that eventually ended in him becoming the ruler of Egypt. He needed to go through all those obstacles and challenges. Through which he learned many important things, before he became the ruler, a position in which he needed all those skills.

When Abu Salamah was martyred, his wife Umm Salamah was left devastated. She was now a widowed young mother with many kids, and had lost the most beloved man in her life. She began to pray to Allah to grant her someone better, while thinking to herself who could be better than Abu Salamah. Eventually, she received a proposal from Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) himself, and her prayers were answered. Her challenges, and the patience it built, helped prepare her for her new role as a Mother of the Believers.

Allah promised us in the Qur’an, “With hardship, there is Ease, definitely with hardship there is ease,” (Surah Ash-Sharh 94:5-6)

And the Prophet (peace be upon him) explained, “One hardship cannot overcome two eases,” (Fath Al-Qadeer, p. 1918) meaning that for every challenge we face in life, there is double the amount of good in that situation.

Every difficult situation we face is surrounded by many blessings, followed by many blessings and contains many lessons and blessings. It’s a gift from Allah wrapped up in a layer of hardship. Beneath that hardship is beauty. So much of it that you will thank Allah later for sending those challenges your way.

This is, without a doubt, a guarantee from Allah. When he puts you in a situation of difficulty to test you, you will experience ease as well.

Ease During Difficulty

For example, When the Prophet (peace be upon him) was facing great trials in Makkah, Allah had granted him the companionship of his beloved wife Khadijah and his uncle Abu Talib. They were there to make the test easy for him. And they supported him financially and emotionally, and Abu Talib’s influence kept his enemies from physically harming him. So they were an ease during a difficult time.

When migrating to Madinah and hiding in a cave. Allah assisted the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) by veiling him from the eyes of his enemies and keeping Abu Bakr in his company. Providing him with this ease during his difficult journey.

You might find this happening in your own life, perhaps you are going through a period of unemployment. Allah helps you in many ways during this time. Perhaps by someone helping you out financially, or reducing your financial responsibilities, or by sending some good people into your life to offer you a new job or opportunity. Allah’s help comes in amazing ways that we do not understand.

Allah makes a way out

“Whoever is conscious of Allah, He will make for him a way out, and provide for him from where he never imagined. And whoever puts their trust in Allah, He is Sufficient for him,” (Surah At-Talaaq 65:2-3)

Whichever way you look at it, hardships and setbacks are challenges which contain blessings and are necessary for our growth. After overcoming a challenge, you will feel stronger, more confident and closer to Allah. In that way, challenges are necessary for building our self-confidence. When dealing with setbacks in this way, they become a blessing instead.

This is an extract from the eBook Best Of Creation: An Islamic Guide to Self-Confidence, available exclusively at Islamic Self Help.

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3 Self Confidence tips you can apply today

3 Self Confidence tips you can apply today3 Self Confidence tips you can apply today!

Self Confidence is crucial for attaining goals and progressing through life. Many of us know that we need self confidence in order to grow, but we are not sure where to start. There are many articles about self confidence tips online, but most require long term effort.

Today, I want to show you 3 tips you can implement right now!

These 3 self confidence tips will help you get started, and experience an immediate boost in confidence:

1. Make a list of your successes

Sit down and write everything you have ever accomplished. This doesn’t have to be just the big stuff. Every small victory should be written too.

Think about every time you learned something new, started something new, or accomplished something.

Even if you can’t think of big things, you learned to read, right? (Otherwise, how are you reading this article)

You learned to drive? Didn’t learn a foreign language at some point in your life? Graduate high school?

Don’t sell yourself short! Your whole life has been accomplishing things that are new and scary. You HAVE done it many times in the past, so you CAN do it again today and in the future!

Writing such a list should give you an immediate boost to your confidence.

2. Try something new

Stepping out of your comfort zone is something many people fear. It requires a lot of confidence to step out of your comfort zone. You can build this confidence by trying something new every day.

Start today!

It doesn’t need to be something BIG or SCARY, just new. Try a new coffee shop, walk a different path to work, cold call a new potential client, post something different on social media, or even just try a new recipe when cooking today!

Take a chance and try something new. As soon as you do so, you will feel an immediate boost in confidence.

Now keep that momentum going by trying something new every day. This will gradually build your confidence and help you tackle the bigger scarier stuff in the future.

3. Positive Self Talk

“The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability; most often it’s the state that your mind and body is in.” – Tony Robbins

A simple way to improve your confidence today is to talk yourself into it. Do not underestimate the power of self-talk. Talking to yourself isn’t a sign of madness. (If it is, I’m in trouble!) It is a way to pump yourself up and get yourself in the right state of mind to get things done.

If you have something big coming up today and you don’t feel like doing it, just look in the mirror and tell yourself that you can do it, will do it, and will do an awesome job of it. Remember that our mind believes what we tell our selves, so only say good things to yourself about yourself.

Even if there is nothing big to do today, but you are just feeling lazy or lack motivation. A good self pep talk may be all you need to get into the right state of mind and get things done.

Summary

It doesn’t need to take years to build your confidence. Its true that long term confidence requires long term effort. But immediate confidence requires immediate effort.

Do these three things today and feel the difference!

Learn more self confidence tips with our exclusive eBook:

Self Confidence Tips eBook

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NEW Workbook 2: Discover Your Confidence

Workbook 2: Discover Your Confidence! Workbook 2

Islamic Self Help’s second workbook focuses on six powerful activities that will help you increase your confidence multiple times over. Workbook 2 is designed for you!

Gain the confidence to chase your dreams!

One day, you will look back at your life with a feeling of satisfaction and happiness. You will be grateful for all the amazing things you achieved. You will be a model of confidence and achievement.

On that day, you will look back and reflect on the day that changed everything for you: the day you chose to utilize Discover Your Confidence to improve yourself!

Discover Your Confidence is the second workbook from Islamic Self Help, designed to help you grow in confidence through six powerful activities.

Only $4!

Imagine gaining the confidence to chase your dreams! Usually, such training would cost thousands of dollars, but with our workbook, you will see dramatic improvements in your confidence for less than $5! This is the most affordable confident boosting investment you could ever make.

About the Author:

Shaykh Ismail Kamdar was once a timid young man with low self-confidence. Over the years, he studied many important resources on the topic and utilized the principles he learned to build himself up to the level he is at today.

Today, Shaykh Ismail is the faculty manager of the Islamic Online University, the founder of Islamic Self Help, author of multiple eBooks, an influential blogger, a seasoned Radio Presenter, and a homeschooling father.

He has built the confidence to help him achieve all of the above, and through this eBook, he will share with you six activities to help you do the same.

In this workbook, you will learn:

  • How to think positively
  • How to come up with good ideas
  • How to step outside of your comfort zone, and more!

Why you can’t afford to delay:

How many years have already passed by without you being able to achieve your dreams?

Do you really want to let another year pass by because you procrastinated at getting the right resources to help you grow?

Success is achieved through chasing your dreams. In order to chase your dreams, you need Self Confidence. You can get those by investing in this eBook today.

The choice is yours: Start your journey of confidence building today or let another year pass by without achieving your goals! Get workbook 2 today and start chasing your dreams!

Best Usage: Print and fill in activities by hand.

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Other Books by Islamic Self Help Getting The Barakah: An Islamic Guide

Getting The Barakah – Islamic Self Help’s premiere eBook. Getting The Barakah focuses on Time Management tips and techniques, which are all grounded in Islamic principles. It is currently our fastest selling eBook. Get your copy here.

Best Of Creation – An Islamic Guide to Self Confidence. This exclusive eBook will show you how to build your confidence, overcome your fears, redefine your mistakes, and step out of your comfort zone. Every principle in this book is grounded in Islamic teachings and will help you grow in both confidence and spirituality. Click here to purchase.

Discover Your Hidden Gems – Islamic Self Help’s first workbook. This workbook contains six activities designed to help you discover your strengths, weaknesses and to set your goals accordingly. Get started today!

Homeschooling 101 – Learn about this alternative method of education with our exclusive eBook. In this eBook, discover ten reasons to consider homeschooling, a step-by-step guide to getting started, as well as an exclusive foreword by Zohra Sarwari. Buy it by clicking here.

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