Confidence

5 Ways to deal with your own mistakes

Everybody makes mistakes

Everybody makes mistakes

“Every son of Adam makes mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are those who repent.” (Tirmidhi)

Everybody makes mistakes. There is no way around it and no way to avoid it. No matter how hard you try to be perfect, you will eventually make mistakes. Your life is not determined by perfection, but by how you deal with your mistakes.

For many of us, our ways of dealing with mistakes lead us down wrong paths. Some people allow their mistakes to define them, to lead them into darkness, or at the very least to sap their confidence in their ability to be better. These are the wrong ways to deal with your mistakes. The next time you make a mistake, try doing the following instead:

1. Stay calm and avoid negative self-talk

You know the feeling. You just tried your best to do something good and it blew up in your face. All you can see in front of you is the mess you made in your attempt to be good.

You feel angry, you feel frustrated, you can feel the negative thoughts flowing in: “You are not good enough!” “How can you be so stupid!” “What is wrong with….NO! No negative thoughts for me!” Shun them, Push them aside and simply accept the reality, “I am a human and I made a mistake, that’s all there is to it,” Let the calmness of accepting your human nature take over, and don’t let those thoughts in.

2. Look for the lesson in your mistakes

Now that you are calm, its time to look at what went wrong. Yes, you made a mistake but mistakes are lessons and learning experiences, so treat it as one. Analyze your moves, thoughts, and emotions.

Ask yourself three questions: Where did I go wrong? What can I learn from it? And most importantly, what steps can I take to avoid making this mistake again in future? Writing down your answers will help you to think clearer and remember the lesson longer. Turn the situation into a life lesson that you will benefit from for life.

3. Stay focused on your goal and find another way to accomplish it

Don’t allow your mistake to sidetrack you from your goal. Before you made the mistake, you were focused on something important. Do you remember what it was? Good, now get back on track and find another way to accomplish that goal which doesn’t include this mistake.

4. Apologize if your mistake hurt someone else

If someone else was hurt in the process, don’t even think twice about apologizing and fixing it. Swallow your ego and fix it immediately. You know that you are a good person who was trying to do the right thing, so stay noble and apologize. Its the only way forward.

5. Repent if it was a sin

Finally, if your mistake was doing something that is displeasing to your Creator, then seek His Forgiveness, find a way to avoid doing it in future, and move on. He is Most-Forgiving, Most Merciful and accepts all sincere repentance.

If you do these five things, you can continue towards your noble goals, and eventually accomplish them, no matter how many times you slipped along the road.

Learn more about how to overcome your mistakes in my e-book:

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Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Positive Thinking, Self Confidence, Stress Management, 1 comment

Guest on Muslim Life Hackers Podcast

Muslim Life Hackers Podcast

I recently featured as a guest on an episode of Muslim Life Hackers to discuss the topics of Confidence, dealing with setbacks and recognizing low self-esteem. These are very important topics and issues which aren’t often covered from an Islamic perspective. Click on the link below to listen to this interesting and fun podcast episode.

You can access the podcast here: http://muslimlifehackers.com/3-1

Or you can access it via iTunes here.

Enjoy, and don’t forget to subscribe to this awesome podcast series!

Muslim Life Hackers

This podcast is based on my e-book Best Of Creation

Do you suffer from low self-confidence and have been struggling to find an Islamic solution to this problem?

Then this e-book is for you!

Through this e-book, you will:

  1. Gain practical steps and tips for boosting your confidence
  2. Gain the necessary confidence to pursue your life goals
  3. Understand the role of Tawheed, Tawakul, and Sabr in boosting confidence
  4. Learn the difference between confidence and arrogance
  5. Overcome myths and misconceptions about confidence
  6. Understand the causes of low self-confidence
  7. Over 190 pages of confidence building content

What our readers are saying:

“Ismail Kamdar’s new book provides exactly the right balance between Islam and the psychological aspects behind confidence, Masha’Allah. The author of this book does a brilliant job in offering action points that are easy to implement, regardless of your knowledge of Islam and level of practicing.” (Aisha – IOU Blog)

““Best of Creation” by Abu Muawiyah Ismail Kamdar is such a refreshing read. It goes to the core of things by firstly establishing the importance of realising our reason for existence.” (Zarina – Muslim Women Exposed)

Don’t delay! Begin your journey towards Islamic confidence right now!

BOC twitter cover 2

Click here to learn more about other exciting e-books by Shaykh Ismail Kamdar that are exclusive to Islamic Self Help.

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Self Confidence, 0 comments
5 Ways To Overcome Failure

5 Ways To Overcome Failure

Ways to overcome failure:

There are many ways to overcome failure. Failing to meet a goal is a natural part of progress. As the old proverb states: “If you aren’t failing, you aren’t trying anything new”. When it comes to our goals, we often are held back by one of two extremes:

1. We are afraid to fail, so we don’t even try
2. We are so sure we won’t fail, that we get disillusioned and give up as soon as we face our first taste of failure

Being afraid to fail is something I tackled in details in my book Best Of Creation: An Islamic Guide To Self-Confidence. In this post, I want to tackle the second issue, dealing with failure itself when it hits us. So here are my five steps for overcoming failure:

1. Expect it to happen

It is naive to think that we can accomplish all of our goals in life without facing any tests and setbacks along the way. Tests and setbacks are a natural part of life, so we should expect them, plan for them, and deal with them wisely. Whether it comes to our spiritual goals or worldly goals, we will be tested, and it is these moments of test that show who we really are inside.

One of the ways to overcome failure is to expect things to go wrong. If they do, deal with them as planned. If they don’t, be grateful to Allah and take it as gift from Allah. This makes it a Win/Win situation for you.

2. Accept Your Qadar

Qadar (Destiny) is a very misunderstood concept, regarding which people swing between a fatalistic viewpoint and its opposite. Islam teaches us the middle way, but this is not the place for a detailed discussion on Qadar.

Related to our topic, if you made your plans, made your best effort and stilled failed to attain your goal, then do not despair or feel angry. There are things which are beyond our control and we must accept that what Allah decrees for us is best for us.

If your goal is noble, keep pursuing it knowing that when the time is right, Allah will open the door to help you achieve it. Accepting Qadar and knowing that Allah knows what is best for us gives us a sense of peace and contentment when we do not get what we want in this world.

3. Have a Plan B, C, D, E….

One of the ways to overcome failure is to have backup plans. The chances of accomplishing your goal at the very first instance is highly unlikely. So as brilliant as your current plan may be, you need to plan for when things don’t go your way. Think about anything that could possibly go wrong and how you can deal with it. Make a backup plan, and a backup plan for that backup plan, so that no matter what goes wrong, you continue towards your goal through alternative routes.

When the Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions set off from Madinah to perform Umrah in Makkah, they were prevented from entering Makkah. This led to Plan B, signing a peace treaty with the leaders of Makkah, allowing them to perform the Umrah the next year. It meant fulfilling their goal of making Umrah one year later, but they accomplished their goal nonetheless, and so much more too. They did not turn back and give up, they found another way to accomplish the goal later.

4. The Sabr Factor – Keep moving forward

Reflect on the Battle of Uhud. The Prophet (peace be upon him) and his companions faced a huge setback at Uhud and lost many good men. They did not despair or give up, the next day they were back on the march despite being injured. They pushed on towards their goal even when things weren’t going their way, and that is one of the factors that opened the doors of victory for them.

This is the Sabr factor. Sabr is not a passive act of sitting back and doing nothing, expecting help to arrive in a miraculous fashion. Sabr is the active attribute of persevering, patiently planning, resisting the temptation to give up and moving forward in spite of the odds. If we want to accomplish anything, we need Sabr as there is no shortcut to true success in this world or the next. Every goal worth accomplishing requires bucketloads of Sabr, so make sure you stock up!

5. Be Flexible

While pursuing your goals, keep an eye out for better goals, nobler pursuits, greater callings or alternative routes to attain your goals. It may be that the goal you set for yourself at age 20 is not something you want to stick to for life. If while chasing that goal, you are introduced to something even better for you, then consider shifting focus. It may be that the earlier goal was temporary to lead you towards this better goal.

In the early years of Islam, many companions moved to Abyssinia, and settled there. Many years later, many of them migrated to Madinah as it had become a better environment to practice and serve Islam in. Likewise, it may be your goal to move to a certain land or practice a certain profession now, yet later in life better opportunities may open up for you. Consider shifting focus as life is constantly changing, so do not stay too focused on the past, look for what is best for your family and yourself in the Afterlife primarily, and in this world as well.

These are five ways to overcome failure that keep me moving forward whenever I fail to meet a goal. I hope in inspires you to do the same. 🙂

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Self Confidence, Stress Management, Time Management, 1 comment
Be Yourself as long as being yourself is Halal

Be Yourself as long as being yourself is Halal

Be Yourself!

This is my personal motto: Be Yourself as long as being yourself is halal! I spent my teenage years in a Darul Uloom whose culture was such that everybody was bullied into dressing alike, speaking alike and pretending that we are all the same, stripped of any individuality. This environment made me grow rebellious and I would upset the status quo with small attempts at being different.

As I studied Islam more deeply, I was amazed at how Islam has room for so many different personality types. The companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) were diverse in their personalities. They included scholars, warriors, leaders, businessmen, farmers, strict people, funny people, thinkers and followers.

This led to me formulating my motto: Be yourself as long as being yourself is halal. Allah does not ask us to be robots: looking alike, dressing alike and behaving like we don’t have any unique attributes. At the same time, we all have evil within us that needs to be suppressed, and that part of us should be controlled.

Be yourself. Do not worry about what people say, just be yourself whether that means being strict or humorous. Don’t pretend to be strict because others are, and don’t pretend to be funny because other people want you to.

Let your natural personality flow and you will feel confident and happy. If you need to change anything, change it for the sake of Allah to grow closer to Him. Base your life changes on pleasing Allah, not on pleasing people.

Be your genuine and best self and not only will you grow in confidence but people will appreciate your honesty and courage and will eventually follow in your footsteps.

Best Of Creation: An Islamic Guide to Self-Confidence, pp. 166-167

Click on link for download and purchase details

Be yourself

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Books, Self Confidence, 1 comment

Islamic Self-Confidence Book – Now Available

 

Islamic Self-Confidence Book Introduction:

Long ago, the world’s most powerful empire was the Muslim empire. It was a nation full of scholars, doctors, scientists, ethical businessmen and genius inventors. The early Muslim nation was founded by confident individuals, who trusted Allah’s plan, using their God-given talents to make this world a better place.

But somewhere down the line, things changed. The empire declined until it became a shell of its former self. Then it broke into many fragmented pieces. This was followed by a generation of followers and imitators, low in confidence, feeling inferior to others, following and never daring to lead. The ummah lost its confidence, but we can get it back by going back to that which made the early generations successful.

Allah has created us and declared that we are among the best of Creation. He has given us an important role to play on earth. In order to do justice to that role, we will have to challenge social norms, step outside our comfort zones, deal with rejection and often times speak in public. All of this require a lot of confidence.

There exist many misconceptions about confidence in the Muslim world and many people misunderstand it as a negative trait. In my upcoming book, I will clarify misconceptions about self-confidence and elaborate on a Tawheed-centered lifestyle that will help you overcome your fears, step out of your comfort zone and chase your goals.

Best Of Creation: An Islamic Guide to Self-Confidence is now available for purchase here.

Do you suffer from low self-confidence and have been struggling to find an Islamic solution to this problem?

Then this Islamic Self-Confidence e-book is for you!

Through this e-book, you will:

  1. Gain practical steps and tips for boosting your confidence
  2. Gain the necessary confidence to pursue your life goals
  3. Understand the role of Tawheed, Tawakul, and Sabr in boosting confidence
  4. Learn the difference between confidence and arrogance
  5. Overcome myths and misconceptions about confidence
  6. Understand the causes of low self-confidence
  7. Over 190 pages of confidence building content

What our readers are saying:

“Ismail Kamdar’s new book provides exactly the right balance between Islam and the psychological aspects behind confidence, Masha’Allah. The author of this book does a brilliant job in offering action points that are easy to implement, regardless of your knowledge of Islam and level of practicing.” (Aisha – IOU Blog)

““Best of Creation” by Abu Muawiyah Ismail Kamdar is such a refreshing read. It goes to the core of things by firstly establishing the importance of realising our reason for existence.” (Zarina – Muslim Women Exposed)

Don’t delay! Begin your journey towards Islamic confidence right now!

Islamic Self-Confidence

Posted by Ismail Kamdar in Books, Self Confidence, 0 comments