Masculinity

Sep

2022

Islamic Chivalry: Part 2: Brotherhood

In Part 1 of this series, we discussed some Islamic principles related to work ethic. In this second article, we will discuss ten important Islamic principles related to building and maintaining the bonds of brotherhood (or sisterhood) between Muslims. Muslim men should implement these principles when dealing with other Muslim men, likewise Muslim women should apply these principles when dealing with other women. Friendships across genders is discouraged in Islam, and should be avoided.

Brotherhood forms the foundations of community, after family. A man is only as strong as his close circle of friends. Building and maintaining quality friendships with righteous men is crucial for one’s personal development and growth. The following ten principles are extracted from classical works on chivalry and supported by hadiths and quotations from the pious predecessors. These principles were extracted to help form stronger foundations of brotherhood.

Do not seek out the faults of others.

Abu Huraira (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “One of you sees the speck in his brother’s eye while he forgets the log in his own eye.”
Sahih Ibn Hibban 5761, Grade: Sahih

Abdullah Ibn Umar (RA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and in the Hereafter.”
Sahih Muslim 2580, Sahih al-Bukhari 2422

You cannot build a relationship with someone if you are constantly seeking their faults. In order to form a friendship, you need to seek out the good in others. Seek righteous company, but do not seek perfection. There is nobody perfect on earth today. If you seek out the faults of the righteous, you will find it but it will cost you your relationship.

If someone is striving to please Allah, then that is enough. Be a brother to him and do not push him away from Allah. A person’s private sins are between him and his Lord. So do not seek them out, expose them, or use them against him. Focus on the good in others, and hope that they will do the same for you. Our goal as brothers in Islam is to help each other get to Paradise. It is not to tear each other down.

Maintain good relations with other Muslims

Abdullah Ibn Umar (RA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “The Muslim is a brother to another Muslim. He does not wrong him, nor surrender him. Whoever fulfills the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs.”
Sahih Muslim 2580, Sahih al-Bukhari 2422

The brotherhood of Islam is a sacred bond. Believers are bonded to each other by their shared faith. This faith makes the honor of your brother sacred to you. A Muslim man must care for other believers and strive to assist them in any way he can. He should always be a cause of benefit to society and never a cause of harm. A Muslim man’s strength and skills must be used to defend and protect the ummah, never to harm another believer.

Be generous always in spending on your friends.

Ibn Abbas (RA) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said, “Verily, Allah Almighty is Generous and He loves generosity. He loves the highest morals and He detests pettiness.”
Hilyat al-Awliya 5:28, Grade: Sahih

Generosity is the core characteristic of the Muslim man. It separates the true gentleman from the rest. Throughout history, every culture honored the generous among them. To be the best of brothers, you need to excel in generosity.

Our Lord is Al-Karim (Most Generous), and his Prophet ﷺ was the most generous of His creation. Generosity is expected when dealing with family, friends, neighbors, and guests. The Muslim man spends generously on all these people, being the best of hosts, knowing well that Al-Karim will provide for him. When you invite your friends over or treat them to a night out, spend as much as you without taking on debt. Be the first to pay the bill, and compete with your friends in generosity.

Maintain old friendships, do not let them die.

Abdullah Ibn Umar (RA) said that the Prophet ﷺ said, “Respect the loved ones of your father and do not cut them off, lest Allah extinguish your light.”
Adab al-Mufrad 40, Grade: Sahih

It is too easy to forget people as we grow and reach higher ranks in life. We tend to forget those who helped us when we were young, like our old friends and mentors, and our parents’ friends. Take time to seek out old friendships and rekindle them. Find ways to maintain the bonds of brotherhood with your heroes and old friends. Be the one to reach out and make things work.

Help your friends whenever and wherever possible.

Abdullah Ibn Umar (RA) said that the Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah helps the servant as long as he helps his brother.”
Sahih Muslim 2580, Sahih al-Bukhari 2422

Be generous with your time and skills. Be a servant leader. Lead your friends by being there for them. When they need help, be the first to help. Go out of your way for others, and Allah will take care of you. A Muslim man leads by serving and helping others. His selflessness leads to blessings in his life beyond his imagination. Be the one that people know they can rely on during difficult times.

Love each other for the sake of Allah and visit each other often.

Abu Huraira (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Verily, Allah will say on the Day of Resurrection: Where are those who love each other for the sake of My glory? Today, I will shelter them in My shade on a day when there is no shade but Mine.”
Sahih Muslim 2566

Love each other for the sake of Allah. Seek out righteous friends and love them for their righteousness. Your friends should remind you of Allah. They should increase your piety and bring you closer to Allah. You should have this same impact on them. A friendship for the sake of Allah is a friendship without any worldly motives. It is a friendship that stems from one common interest: the pleasure of Allah.

Tell your friends that you love them, and visit them often. Spend quality time together so that the bonds of brotherhood grow strong. A friendship for Allah’s sake cannot be broken easily. It is a strong bond that benefits both sides in this world and the next. And earns them a place of shade under Allah’s Throne on the Last Day.

Share in the joy of your brothers by joining in the celebration

Abu Huraira (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “If one of you is invited for a meal, let him respond. If he is fasting, let him pray for the host. If he is not fasting, let him eat.”
Sahih Muslim 1431

Be happy for your friends when they succeed. Celebrate their successes with them. A believer holds no jealousy for his brothers. He wants them to succeed and to be happy. Their happiness is his happiness. He is happy for them when they graduate, get married, have children, get a good job, accomplish a life goal, or get a promotion. He wants nothing but good for them and is genuinely happy for them.

If you are invited to a celebration, then attend it as long as it is permissible to do so. Avoid events with prohibited or dubious activities. If the environment is pure, then attend their celebration and celebrate their milestones with them. Be genuinely happy for them, and pray that they achieve even more success and happiness in this world.

Be joyful and happy when spending time with your friends and brothers.

Abu Dhar (RA) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Smiling in the face of your brother is charity.”
Tirmidhi 1956, Grade: Sahih

Muhammad ibn al-Nadr (RA) said, “The first part of manliness is a cheerful face. The second part is kindness to people. The third part is fulfilling the needs of others.”
al-Mujālasah wa Jawāhir al-‘Ilm 828

Do not be grumpy and mean to others. A Muslim man is a source of joy for those around him. Some brothers mistakenly assume that being righteous means being stern and harsh to others. This includes their family and friends. These men sap the joy out of any room they enter. People disassociate with them because they bring doom and gloom wherever they go.

A Muslim man must be a source of cheer and joy to others. There is a time for strictness and harshness, but these should be used sparingly and only when necessary to stop an evil. The general personality of a believer is one of joy and cheerfulness. The Prophet ﷺ was a cheerful man. He was always smiling and treated people well. People enjoyed spending time around him, and enjoyed his company. A believer must model this character in social settings.

Treat people as you would like them to treat you.

Anas ibn Malik (RA) reported that the Prophet ﷺ said, “None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.”
Sahih Bukhari 13, Sahih Muslim 45

The golden principle of social interactions. We must love for others what we love for ourselves. We need to treat people as we wish to be treated. If you want kindness, be kind. If you want good company, be good company. And if you want a life of peace and happiness, then be a source of peace and happiness for others.

Be selfless when dealing with others. Want success for them in both worlds. Be happy at their success and celebrate with them. Pray that they are always happy and successful. Be there for them during their difficult times, and treat them like your own family. Be an honorable man who treats others with honor. A true believer wants the best for everyone and holds no grudges or jealousy in his heart for his friends.

Be easy-going with your friends and join them in their activities.

Qurrah ibn Khalid reported that he asked Muhammad ibn Sirin, “Did the companions have fun?”

Ibn Sirin replied, “They were nothing but human. Ibn Umar (RA) would have fun and compose songs of poetry.”
Hilyat al-Awliya 2437

There is no sin in enjoying permissible entertainment. Do not be the buzzkill of your friendships. Spend quality time with your friends doing permissible, yet fun, activities. Play sports together, go camping, share a few laughs over a cup of coffee, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Islam is a not an overstrict religion that prohibits fun. There are millions of permissible ways to have fun. Find some fun activities that you and your friends enjoy, and make time to do these activities together.

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Sep

2022

Islamic Chivalry: Part 1: Work Ethic

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

This is the first in a series of articles on Islamic chivalry. During my research on Islamic masculinity, I discovered that most classical works on this topic focused on futuwwah (chivalry) instead. Imam Dawud Walid defines futuwwah as follows:

Futuwwah cannot be simply defined operationally speaking, as although it is loosely translated as spiritual, chivalry in the English language is defined as characteristics of a distinguished gentleman or a knight who displays courage, honour, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.
Futuwwah and Raising Males into Sacred Manhood, Dawud Walid, p. 1

For sake of ease, we will use the English term chivalry interchangeably with futuwwah in this series. Over the past few months, I have compiled a list of over 100 qualities of futuwwah from classical Islamic texts. I am currently organizing these traits into subcategories and will publish each category as a article here.

This first article focuses on traits related to work ethic. In an age of materialism and get-rich-quick-schemes, the importance of having a strong work ethic has been lost. The 10 principles listed below are core Islamic principles related to developing a strong work ethic. Each principle has been listed with one evidence from the Qur’an or Sunnah. There are in reality dozens of evidences for each of these points.

Know that your Sustenance is from Allah

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Be moderate in seeking from the world, for everyone will be facilitated towards what has been decreed for him in it.”
Bayhaqi 10501, Grade: Sahih

Rizq (sustenance) is already destined by Allah. He has already written the amount that each servant will earn per day, month, year, and overall lifespan. There is nothing we can do to change this amount. Our actions simply affect whether our sustenance is blessed or cursed. The means of attaining our sustenance is in our control. If we seek it through prohibited means, it will testify against us on the Last Day. If we seek it through permitted means and spend it in a way that is pleasing to Allah, then it will testify for us on the Last Day.

A Muslim man should avoid stressing about wealth and the future. He should accept that his destiny is already written and should focus instead on earning barakah (blessings) in his sustenance. By freeing up the heart from anxiety about the future, we make space for the remembrance of Allah and preparation for the Afterlife.

Work hard for your sustenance anyway

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Verily, the most wholesome food a man can eat is that which he has earned.”
Nasa’i 4397, Grade: Sahih

Our sustenance is written but nobody knows the unseen besides Allah. We are still required to work for our sustenance, just as the birds leave their nests seeking it every morning. The Muslim man is obligated to seek out his sustenance in a halal manner so that he can fulfill his role as provider and protector of his family.

Working hard is part of Ihsan (aspiring for excellence) and a noble trait. A Muslim man works hard, even though he knows that his sustenance is destined, because it is part of manliness and good character. A hardworking man is a strong asset to the ummah and earns a good reputation among others. His hard work can be an act of worship when it is done in a way that is pleasing to Allah and within the boundaries set by Allah.

Have firm tawakul and trust Allah’s plan

“Whoever fears Allah, He will make a way out for him and provide for him from where he never imagined. And whoever has tawakul in Allah, He is enough for him.”
Quran 65:2-3

A believer must firmly acknowledge that Allah knows best. Allah’s plan is best for us even when we cannot see the benefit in our current situation. Like Jonah in the belly of the whale, and Joseph at the bottom of the well, we must turn to Allah and trust Allah’s plan for us. The believer maintains full optimism in Allah regarding his future, knowing that whatever happens to him is best for him.

We have published a detailed guide to tawakul in the past, you can read it here. To summarize, tawakul means to believe, acknowledge, trust, and ask of Allah, while working hard and being content at the end of each day. This is part of the character of the Muslim that every believer should strive for.

Ask only of Allah and seek only from Allah

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Young man, I will teach you some words. Be mindful of Allah and He will protect you. Be mindful of Allah and you will find Him before you. If you ask, ask from Allah. If you seek help, seek help from Allah.”
Tirmidhī 2516, Grade: Sahih

Although it is permitted to ask people for assistance in matters that they can help with, it is part of higher Islamic character to ask only Allah and seek assistance only from Allah. Some of the pious predecessors were so staunch on this point that even if they dropped a stick while riding a horse, they would rather get off and pick it up, than ask someone for help.

When we ask people for help often, it lowers our value in their eyes. They start to look at such a person as a burden to society and a beggar. But Allah loves when we ask and never tires of giving. Part of chivalry is to avoid asking people for assistance, and to rely on Allah entirely. A result of this is that Allah will send such people into your life that will assist you anyway, and you will maintain your dignity in the process.

Avoid shortcuts and shady transactions

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Make between yourself and the unlawful a buffer of what is lawful. Whoever does so will clear himself in regard to his honor and his religion.”
Ibn Hibban 5569, Grade: Sahih

The modern trend of seeking get-rich-quick schemes is unislamic. Hastiness is a devilish quality that will seduce a person to seek shortcuts on the path to riches. Such a man will be tempted to engage in clear prohibitions like usury and selling prohibited products, or to take shady shortcuts through false advertising and mistreatment of employees.

A Muslim is firm in his belief that whatever Allah has written for him will reach him. With this firm faith, he works hard, takes his time, and stays within the boundaries of permissibility. He knows that nothing will miss him that was meant for him, so he focuses on the quality of his work, and turns away from all sources of temptation.

Be content with your sustenance

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah tests His servant by giving to him. Whoever is content with what Allah has apportioned for him, Allah will bless him in it and expand it. Whoever is not content, he will not be blessed in it.”
Musnad Imam Ahmad 20279, Grade: Sahih

Greed leads to decrease in blessings, while contentment and gratitude lead to increase in blessings. Every day, the Muslim man works hard to provide for his family. At the end of each day, he is content with his sustenance for the day and thanks Allah for it. This contentment allows him to focus on worshiping Allah, contributing to the ummah, and spending time with his family.

Anxiety about wealth and profits distract a man from the worship of Allah. Greed for a second mountain of gold turns into obsession. A greedy man is never satisfied, and his mind is so preoccupied with the pursuit of wealth that he fails to prioritize anything else. The believer avoids this trial by working hard during work hours, then devoting the rest of his time to worship, rest, community, and family. Balance and contentment are far more precious than a second mountain of gold.

Be happy for others when they do well

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Be servants of Allah as brothers. Do not be hostile to each other and do not hate each other. Follow the right course, seek nearness to Allah in worship, and give glad tidings.”
Musnad Imam Ahmad 9763, Grade: Sahih

A believer loves for others what we loves for himself. He is happy when someone else succeeds in the workplace. He wants to see his brothers thrive, just as he wants to thrive. He is not hostile or resentful to the success of others. He was internalized the principle of brotherly love and it shows in his interactions with other Muslims.

Avoid jealousy for what others have

The Prophet ﷺ said, “The people will remain upon goodness as long as they do not envy each other.”
Al-Mu’jam Al-Kabir 8079, Grade: Hasan

When brotherly love is absent from the heart, jealousy and envy can consume it. Envy destroys the soul and the ability to do good, like a fire eating away inside a person. It was jealousy that caused Cain to kill Abel. It was jealousy that caused Abu Jahl to reject Islam. It is jealousy that can ruin us if we allow it to enter our hearts.

A Muslim trader strives to avoid jealousy always. He is waging an internal Jihad against devil and his own soul. He prioritizes Muslim brotherhood, and genuinely loves his brothers wanting good for them. In light of this brotherly love, he rejects jealousy and any negative feelings towards his brothers in Islam.

Be generous in the marketplace and spend for the sake of Allah

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Allah Almighty will admit a man into Paradise who was easy in his buying and selling, in his paying debts and seeking repayments.”
Nasa’i 4696, Grade: Sahih

A Muslim trader wants to see everyone succeed. He will buy from another to give him business. He will forgive a debt because he sees that his brother is genuinely struggling. In the spirit of Islamic brotherhood, he might lower his prices for the poor, support a struggling business, overlook the faults of his customers, and rush to pay off his own debts.

His concern for the ummah takes precedence over his own desires. He does not wish to see any member of the ummah struggle, so he forgives, overlooks, goes easy on others, and is lenient in his dealings. His reputation is one of honesty, integrity, and genuine selflessness. Such a trader is a role model of Islamic chivalry.

Laziness is an unmanly trait and must be shunned

The Prophet ﷺ said, “O Allah, I seek refuge in You from anxiety, sorrow, disability, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, the burdens of debt, and the repression of men.”
Bukhari 6369

Islam is a religion of submission and struggle. Men are expected to take up the responsibility of moving the ummah forward. There is no room for laziness in this cause. Muslim men must be men of action. They must work hard, striving to provide for their families and protect their communities. They must contribute to the overall wellbeing of the ummah in some way or another.

Laziness is a quality unbefitting a Muslim man. The prophets, companions, and righteous men of the past were all hardworking individuals, and the Prophet ﷺ even taught us to pray for protection from laziness. When men are lazy and self-centered, it affects the entire society. For a boy to become a man, he must shun laziness and develop a strong work ethic.

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