12 Years of Homeschooling: Lessons I Learned About Education, Parenting, and Tarbiyah

Twelve years ago, I began homeschooling my children. At the time, I had no idea whether it would work. I had actually planned to try it for a year or two. I even had a list of schools that I could send my children to if homeschooling did not work out. But one year became two. Two became five. Five became ten. Now, twelve years later, my eldest son is one exam away from graduating.

Looking back over the entire journey, I can say that homeschooling was one of the best decisions I made for my family. That does not mean homeschooling is for everyone. It is difficult, requires enormous commitment, and depends heavily on the circumstances of each family. But our experience taught me some lessons about education, parenting, technology, family life, and tarbiya that I believe apply far beyond homeschooling.

Why We Chose Homeschooling

My interest in homeschooling actually began long before I had children. When I was in Grade Eight, my mother took me out of school so that I could study Islam full-time. I eventually completed my high school education from home and later earned a university degree online. That experience made me question some assumptions about conventional education.

If I could skip entire grades without missing essential knowledge, I wondered, why did education have to take exactly the amount of time that the system had assigned to it? Later, I worked as a schoolteacher and school administrator. These experiences made me even more conscious of the strengths and weaknesses of conventional schooling.

When I eventually had children, I had concerns about the academic environment, the role models available to them, the Islamic education they were receiving, and the influence of their peers. Initially, my eldest attended an Islamic school for about a year. I was not satisfied with the environment. Then I met someone who was successfully homeschooling his teenage children. I was impressed by their maturity and intellectual ability.

His advice was simple:

Try it for a year. If it doesn’t work, you can always send them back to school.

So we tried.

And that one year became twelve.

Discovering That Children Don’t Need as Much School Time as We Think

In the beginning, homeschooling was challenging. We converted a bedroom into a classroom and developed a basic routine involving mathematics, English, and Islamic studies. But once we figured out a rhythm, something became obvious:

Children don’t necessarily need to spend seven or eight hours a day in formal lessons in order to learn.

Some of my children progressed remarkably quickly. One of my sons taught himself to read. Because we were able to work at each child’s pace, we could spend less time on formal academics while giving them more time for other things. They had more time to play. We had more time together as a family.

learning became something that could happen throughout the day rather than something confined to a classroom. This flexibility became one of the greatest strengths of homeschooling.

The Greatest Benefit Wasn’t Academic

When people think about homeschooling, they usually think about education. But looking back, the greatest benefit for me wasn’t academic at all. It was family unity.

We spent enormous amounts of time together. I wasn’t simply a father who went to work and came home in the evening. My children saw me work. They saw me solve problems. They saw me deal with challenges. We studied together, learned together, worked through difficulties together, and spent our evenings together.

Those years became some of my favorite memories, and my children look back on many of them fondly as well. Homeschooling gave us something that is difficult to measure academically but incredibly valuable:time together.

That time strengthened our relationships and created opportunities for parenting that would have been difficult to replicate otherwise.

Making Islam a Way of Life, Not Just a Subject

Another major benefit was the ability to integrate Islam into everyday life. I did not want Islam to become merely another school subject. I wanted my children to see Islam as a worldview—a lens through which they understood life. That meant Islam was not limited to a particular Islamic Studies lesson.

It influenced how we approached our worldly subjects, how we dealt with difficulties, how we made decisions, and even why we eventually moved to another country. Islam became something to live, not simply something to study for an examination.

At different points, I tried enrolling my children in formal Islamic classes. But I noticed something troubling. Once Islamic studies became centered around classes and examinations, their relationship with the subject began to change. Instead of being fascinated by Islamic knowledge, they began thinking about passing exams. That wasn’t what I wanted.

As they became older, I found that one of the most effective approaches was simply studying traditional Islamic books together. We would take a book, read a section, and discuss it together. This allowed them to encounter Islam as a rich intellectual and spiritual tradition rather than as a collection of facts to memorize.

Character Before Knowledge

One of the principles that shaped our homeschooling approach was the importance of adab and akhlaq. The early years were not primarily about accumulating information. They were about becoming good human beings.

We focused heavily on qualities such as:

• Kindness
• Mercy
• Justice
• Courage
• Generosity
• Respect for elders
• Good manners
• Responsibility

The idea was simple: knowledge without character is not enough. A child can know a great deal and still lack the qualities needed to use that knowledge well. So during the early years, character development was one of our primary educational goals. Looking back, I am grateful that we prioritized it.

Helping Children Discover Their Own Path

Another advantage of homeschooling was flexibility. Not every child is interested in the same things. Some of my children are interested in academic education. Others are more interested in entrepreneurship, technology, or developing practical skills. I did not want to force every child into one definition of success.

The conventional model often looks something like this:

School → University → Job → Career

That path works for some people. But it does not work for everyone.

There are many forms of success, and there are many ways to build a meaningful life. Homeschooling allowed my children to explore their interests, develop skills independently, and begin thinking about what they wanted to do with their lives at an earlier age. The goal was not to reject education. It was to make education serve the child rather than forcing every child into the same educational mold.

Real-World Education

One of the most underrated benefits of homeschooling is that children can participate in real life. My children witnessed challenges and saw how adults respond to them. They lived in the real world and gained real world experience at a young age. These experiences can teach lessons that are difficult to reproduce in a classroom. For example, when you take your children with you to deal with government offices, paperwork, travel difficulties, or other real-world problems, they learn how to navigate the world.

They see how adults communicate. They see how problems are solved. They learn patience and resilience. Perhaps most importantly, they see their parents dealing with difficulties. When children see a parent facing a challenge, struggling, and then rising to the occasion, they learn something about life that no textbook can teach.

Homeschooling Does Not Mean Isolation

One common concern about homeschooling is socialization. Our experience was very different from the stereotype of children sitting at home all day with their parents. My children participated in soccer, martial arts, swimming, Islamic events, and other activities. They had opportunities to interact with other children and adults. Homeschooling should not mean cutting children off from society.

In fact, that is one of the biggest mistakes a homeschooling parent can make. If homeschooling becomes nothing more than creating a protective bubble around your children, eventually that bubble will become a problem. Children eventually have to enter the real world.

The goal should therefore not be:

“How do I protect my child from the world?”

The better question is:

“How do I prepare my child to deal with the world?”

That distinction is extremely important.

The Pandemic and the Problem of Isolation

The years around the pandemic reinforced this lesson for me. A generation of young people spent a significant portion of their formative years isolated at home and online. Many lost opportunities to develop social confidence, meet people, and learn how to interact with society.

I have noticed among many young people today increased anxiety, low confidence, and poor social skills. Whether every individual case can be attributed to the pandemic is another question, but the experience certainly demonstrated the importance of human interaction for developing young people.

This is why homeschooling parents need to be intentional about social development. Children need community. They need friendships. They need mentors. They need opportunities to interact with people of different ages. They need to learn how to function in the real world.

Technology Requires Gradual Training

Another major lesson from these years concerns technology. My approach to technology was deliberately cautious. I did not want young children to have unrestricted access to the internet. But even with those restrictions, I eventually realized that I could have been stricter.

The internet contains enormous benefits, but it also exposes immature minds to things they are not ready to process. The answer isn’t necessarily to reject technology. Children need to learn how to use technology. But that education should happen gradually.

Instead of giving a young child unrestricted access and expecting them to figure everything out, parents can introduce technology in stages. Teach them. Supervise them. Increase their freedom gradually. And eventually, when they have demonstrated wisdom and responsibility, allow greater independence.

The goal is not simply to control children. The goal is to train them until they can control themselves.

Homeschooling Takes a Village

One of the biggest misconceptions about homeschooling is that one parent should be able to do everything. That is neither realistic nor fair. Over the years, my children learned from many different people. Their mother taught some subjects. I taught others. They had Islamic teachers.

They learned martial arts from instructors. They had swimming teachers. They spent time with extended family. This is what homeschooling should look like for most families.

It takes a village to raise a child.

If a father wants his children homeschooled but expects the mother to manage seven children, teach every subject, run the household, and somehow do everything without support, that is neither practical nor fair. Both parents should contribute where possible. Families can also use tutors, teachers, extracurricular programs, and extended family members. Homeschooling does not have to mean that one person does everything.

There Is No Single Perfect Educational Method

One of the greatest things I learned through twelve years of homeschooling is that there is no single approach to education that works for every child.

Different children learn differently. Different children have different interests. Different subjects require different approaches. What works for a seven-year-old may not work for a fifteen-year-old. Over the years, I experimented with different approaches and learned what worked and what didn’t.

My children also developed their own methods of learning. This flexibility is one of the greatest strengths of homeschooling. Education can adapt to the child rather than forcing the child to adapt entirely to the system.

Homeschooling Isn’t for Everyone

After twelve years, I am convinced that homeschooling was the right decision for my family. But that doesn’t mean everyone should homeschool. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes knowledge. It takes support. It requires parents who are willing to invest heavily in the process.

Families where both parents work outside the home will face different challenges. Homeschooling may still be possible, but it may require tutors or a different structure. Some families simply do not have the circumstances for it. That is okay. There is nothing inherently wrong with sending your children to school.

The question isn’t:

“Is homeschooling good and school bad?”

The better question is:

“What is the best educational environment for my children, given our circumstances, values, and goals?”

For some families, that will be homeschooling. For others, it will be a good school supplemented by strong parenting and family education. For others, it may be a combination of schooling, tutoring, weekend classes, and family halaqahs.

The Parent Is Still the Primary Educator

Ultimately, my biggest lesson from twelve years of homeschooling is that education is part of parenting. In Islam, tarbiyah is about nurturing and developing the child. That responsibility cannot simply be outsourced to a school.

Even if your children attend school, you remain their primary educator when it comes to their values, character, worldview, and relationship with Allah. You don’t have to homeschool to take that responsibility seriously. If homeschooling isn’t possible, establish a weekly family halaqah. Study Islam together. Read together. Discuss important questions. Teach your children adab.

Take them with you when you handle real-world responsibilities. Let them see how you respond to difficulties. Be their mentor, not merely their provider.

What Twelve Years Taught Me

After twelve years, I have no regrets about homeschooling my children. It was not always easy. There were difficult years. There were periods when I did not give my children the attention they deserved. There were changes in our circumstances, different countries, different educational approaches, and plenty of challenges along the way.

But the journey taught me something important:

Education is much bigger than schooling.

It is about developing the mind. It is about developing character. It is about building relationships. It is about preparing children to navigate the world. And, from an Islamic perspective, it is about nurturing the soul. Homeschooling gave me an opportunity to see my children grow closely and to participate directly in that process.

For our family, it became one of the greatest chapters of our lives. If I had to make the same decision again, knowing everything I know now, I would make the same choice. Not because homeschooling is perfect. Not because schools are inherently bad. But because, for our family, at that particular time and place, it was the best way we knew to fulfil our responsibility of tarbiyah.

May Allah guide us to the best ways of raising and educating our children, make our children the coolness of our eyes, and make the next generation better than us in every way. Ameen.

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